Here they are. What to say. It's beautiful weather here. Went to the park and had a good time this am. Been enjoying them more and more. I feel like I'm getting back into relating to them and enjoying them after a long time of just being tired.

I, unfortunately, said last week after a very trying time at the library, "I'm disappointed in you". Today, after I saw Lawrence grab a rock Caroline was playing with and throw it over the bridge, I gave him a look and he said to me, "I'm disappointed in you". !!!! Hello. He got it. He knew.

I told Mark after I had said it, that I regretted it. I'm still trying to figure this thing called parenting out. And this thing called the Christian life. I expect my kids to act a certain way, and when they don't I'm angry. But if I call myself a Christian, and I believe that in my inability to do what God calls me to, and be who God made me to be, He extends grace to me, He becomes man and dies for my disobedience(sin), then how can I not be compassionate on my children? How can I not look on them as God looked on me and reach out to them, in spite of their selfishness? Especially when they don't yet trust Christ, and have the Spirit living in them?

So, instead of becoming angry with them for their lack of help to me in need, their thinking the world revolves around them, I should be compassionate, I should look on them and see their need for a Savior, the only one who can help them live for others. I shouldn't be mad that others think I'm a bad parent, or that as long as I get them to act right I'm good. Thats not ultimately what I want, a good kid. I want a kid, or adult, who fears God and obeys because they know that their creator is worthy of their obedience, and that in their obedience they can fully live.

Ok, not sure that all makes sense to you, but it does to me!