Loss

My dear friend, Brandi, lost her battle with cancer last Wed.  I wrote these words to be read at her funeral, as we are in Thailand, without passports.  Do be praying for her husband Matt, and their children Eli(6) and Katie(4).

Brandi holding Lawrence, right after he was born.

The last time August 2013 our families were all together.

My friend Brandi

Brandi and I are two small-town Pennsylvania girls, but we met in a huge China city in 2002.  I was in dire need of a good friend, and Brandi was God’s provision at just the right time.  In the years that followed Brandi became one of my dearest friends.

I loved being friends with Brandi for many reasons. 

I loved being friends with Brandi because she pursued depth in her friendships.  She took the initiative with me.  She made effort to plan how we would spend time together, and when.  Her others-centeredness was evident in her tender questions that always drew me out.  And she often took the extra step, after I was done sharing, to ask me a harder question that pointed me to God and His working in my life. After Brandi left China I could expect that anytime she found someone flying to our city there would be a package for me and my family from her.  No matter if she was exhausted from her battle with cancer or not.  She wrote to me about a month ago apologizing for not being in better touch with me!  What a giving, thoughtful friend, to feel bad during her weakest time for not reaching out to me!! 

I loved being friends with Brandi because she pursued depth in her relationship with God.  “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 says.  Brandi was iron to me, pushing me to be sharpened to be more like Christ and to pursue God more.  We always talked about what we were reading from God’s Word, how we were doing spiritually.  We would recommend books to each other.  And it seemed like we were always making plans to do better, “Let’s take a Biblical counseling class together”, “Let’s study this book together”, “Let’s spend more time with God.”  She had a healthy dissatisfaction with the status quo in so many areas:  Handling God’s word, walking by faith, serving others.  I remember talking with her on her birthday last year and her telling me how she really wanted to spend more time digging in the Word.  She wasn’t satisfied with just reading a few chapters, she wanted to get back into deeper study of the Bible.  Every time I hung up the phone with Brandi, or before we left each other she always asked how she could pray for me.  And I knew she was praying.  She loved God, she trusted him, and she fought to throw off anything that hindered her from knowing Him more.  And, she made me want to do the same.

I loved being friends with Brandi because she loved the gospel.  It had changed her life and she wanted it to change other’s lives.  She was willing to spend herself for this.  Really, this is the reason that we, 2 small town Pennsylvania girls became friends at all.  God changed us and took us to China, and gave us a friendship as a reward.  What a kind God!!  Brandi left her home and family and friends as a single woman and learned a new life and way of living.  She gave herself to evangelism and discipleship and growing God’s kingdom.  After she and Matt got married, we were always planning how we could work it out to get our families to live and serve in China again.  In God’s providence it wasn’t to be, but we had fun dreaming!  In these last 4 years we have been back in China and Matt and Brandi in New Haven, Brandi has been my greatest encourager.  She was patient to listen to my fears and gracious to ask questions, but also pointing me to go deeper and see God’s plans from a bigger perspective.

Finally, I loved being friends with Brandi because she helped me to enjoy life.  I remember many a Saturday in China going to flower markets, shopping for pottery and searching for ways to improve our homes.  I remember dozens of pedicures and haircuts.  I remember talking Brandi into getting highlights at our local haircut place, and the look on her face when she walked out with green hair!!    I remember sweet times of fellowship at her mom and dad’s house. 

Elizabeth Elliot wrote, “Heaven in not here, it’s There.  If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next.  God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.”  Letting go of friendship with Brandi is not easy.  I am glad she is in the presence of the Savior she loved.  And yet, her death makes this world to be less appealing to me.  Missing her friendship helps loosen my grip on life in this world and makes me long more for Heaven.  For that I’m very grateful.