Sponges

I used to think I was a calm nice person. Then I got married. Then I had kids. Then I read a great book(I'm sure I've written about this before), in which the author told me that the anger I was experiencing was not actually because of my spouse or children. He said that the anger I am feeling has always been in my heart, but that my spouse and children(insert any circumstance that challenges me) were just the things squeezing the anger out of me, like water in a sponge. Already there, but when squeezed, flowing out abundantly.

This has been so helpful to me. Instead of blaming my circumstances, I need to own my own sinfulnes. Not to have low self esteem, but to point me to the Savior that I so desperately need. Such freedom lies for me when I can but bow my knee, acknowledge that yelling at the top of my lungs for my children to be quiet, ordering them around like cattle, and being short with them is not ok. And to look to my perfect Savior Jesus, who died for these very sins 2,000 years ago. I find forgiveness there, I find freedom, I find joy in Him, not in how good I am.

This is good news as I consider the first few hours of my morning. Getting 4 kids ready to go out in the rain to walk to school. One child who is whining and taking off his coat every time I put it on him. Two children who will not listen to me when I talk. 1 umbrella when I need 2. It was enough squeezing for me to lash out in anger. Of course I feel bad about my self. but, I am thankful that I have freedom to ask my children to forgive me and even greater to ask my God to forgive me.


Home after a successful rainy walk to school, even with some 50cents worth of broccoli!